sanatorium | 2021

My first depressive episode happened when I was 14. I slept almost all the time, missed school, and struggled to do even the simplest things. A neurologist prescribed vitamins. Later, I developed an anxiety disorder. At the time, I didn't realize that my anxiety was an illness or that my constant desire to sleep was a symptom of depression. My teachers scolded me for skipping school, while my mother believed that spending more time outdoors, eating more fruit, and exercising would make everything better. I felt guilty for not being able to cope with what seemed like ordinary responsibilities.

A year later, a close friend of mine was admitted to a psychiatric hospital with similar symptoms. For the first time, I seriously wondered whether something might be wrong with me as well. It's difficult to accept that your mental health may not be okay. You keep thinking that maybe everyone else is right—that if you just go for a walk or exercise more, everything will get better. I simply didn't have the strength to do those things. I lived with those thoughts for several years before finally seeking professional help and receiving inpatient psychiatric treatment. That was the beginning of a long journey toward recovery and learning to accept myself as someone living with depression, anxiety, and everything that comes with them.

Presenting this project was deeply important to me. I wanted to help normalize conversations about mental health and treatment in Russian society. For the first time, I felt that I had a way to tell others: «You're not alone, and it's okay to ask for help.»

[the project also exists in photobook format]