sanatorium | 2021

My first depressive episode happened at age 14. I slept all the time, missed school and couldn’t do anything. The neurologist prescribed me vitamins. Later, depression was joined by anxiety disorder. I didn’t know then that my anxiety was a disorder and my desire to sleep through my life was depression. the teachers scolded me for truancy, and my mother said that in order for everything to go away, I needed to be in the fresh air more often, eat more fruits and be sure to play sports. I felt guilty for not coping with my responsibilities.

 A year later, my friend was admitted to a psychiatric clinic with similar symptoms. Then I seriously thought about whether everything was all right with me. It’s quite difficult to realize and accept that you may not be healthy. It seems that if you really just take a walk and play sports, everything will go away. I just don’t have the strength to do it yet. I spent several years with these thoughts until I finally consulted a doctor and decided to go to a hospital at a psychoneurological center. From that moment began my long journey to recovery and acceptance of myself as a person with depression, anxiety and all the accompanying characteristics. 

 The presentation of this project was important to me as an act of normalization of mental problems and their treatment in Russian society, I finally had a way to say that «you’re not alone and asking for help is ok».

[the project also exists in photobook format]